It is very human to feel insecure when your husband starts coming home late from work on a regular basis or continually breaks from his regular routine. At first, you think nothing of it. You have had a solid marriage. However, after the third time you may begin wondering if perhaps something is wrong. Your first instinct is to ask if there is a problem and 99% of the time he says there is not. How would you know for sure?
These are common signs that all cheating husbands exhibit. This list is not all-inclusive, but each sign has been well documented by cheating husbands as well as the wives who were the injured parties. They by no means confirm that he is in fact cheating on you. Furthermore, this information will not hold up in court. If you are looking for something that will, then you’ll need a private investigator.
There was a report in the New York Times in 2008 about the General Social Survey conducted by the University of Chicago. Their results showed 12 percent of males admitted to having cheated just within the past year. Again, this was in 2008. These were the men who were truthful. And these were men who said they cheated within the past 12 months. What about before the past 12 months?
1. He takes or makes phone calls in private
Does he usually make phone calls in private? If he’s in a profession where there is a confidentiality issue, this may be normal. However, if it happens more than a couple times, you can ask him who he was on the phone with (don’t get confrontational). If’s near your birthday or anniversary, he might just be planning a surprise birthday party, so tread lightly.
2. He avoids family or other social events
Give this one some serious thought. Perhaps he is under stress at work or is not feeling well. Men do not like to talk about their feelings. He just may feel like being alone. If it happens more than once you are well within your rights to ask why he is avoiding family and friends. He may say that he has had a falling out with a particular person and choose not to be around them.
On the other hand, he may have a guilty conscious or he may be busy with ‘other things’ when you are out of the house. One way to be your own detective is to confide in a close neighbor. The next time you go on an outing by yourself, ask her to keep watch on the house and see if your husband leaves or anyone visits him.
3. He suddenly spends tons of time with another person
Face it everyone needs some ‘me’ time, even your husband. This could be a genuine new friend – if it is a male. After all, you have your own BFFs. It’s worth asking what they’re up to together, but make sure to ask in a light tone. No one likes being accused.
4. He breaks his regular habits
If he goes to the gym Monday ,Wednesday and Friday and never misses a session, but suddenly always comes home late from the bar skipping his classes, then something is up.
You can sit down and ask him what is going on (without being confrontational). There could be a million reasons why he’s drinking more regularly after work that isn’t related to cheating.
5. He doesn’t touch you as much
Again, you can ask him if there is something you have done to turn him off. Is he no longer interested in you? (If he has any brains he will deny these ideas.) Tell him you miss his affection and intimacy. A normally affectionate person does not stop touching people – especially a spouse. Something is amiss.
6. He dresses differently
This could be just a new phase that he’s going through. A lot of people feel more confident wearing nicer clothes and he might just want to look good when meeting new clients or attending conferences. This is perfectly normal.
It’s definitely worth asking him (indirectly) why he is suddenly changing his style though.
With that said, people often dress up when they want to impress someone. Whether this someone is a boss or new girlfriend is a different matter.
7. He wants less “we time” and more “me time”
We covered the point that everyone needs their space – even married people. Only newly married women expect their husbands to be with them all the time. There is a reason for the old saying ‘familiarity breeds contempt.’ Too much togetherness is not mentally healthy. Someone in the relationship is far too needy and insecure.
However – if it is happening more and more, he may not be seeing another woman, he may not want to be married anymore. This is a hard lump of coal to swallow.
The best advice is to either go out to dinner or cook a special meal for the two of you. Tell him the two of you need to discuss the issue and see what the root cause is. Tell him you are willing to seek marriage counselling if he thinks it would help.
8. Little, or no, interest in sex
This can be tricky. On one hand, it could be that someone new is keeping him so busy he doesn’t have any energy left when he comes home to you. If you’ve tried suggesting sex to him several times and he refuses, that might be why.
If this is the case, he might leave additional cues such as showering immediately when he gets home, or wanting to do the laundry himself.
On the other hand, as marriages grow older, sex between partners usually diminishes as well. Many couples intentionally put effort in this area to keep their marriage strong, and if you haven’t been doing that, then it’s only natural that your sex life has been on the decline.
With that said, studies have shown that a lack of sex is one of the most common reasons for cheating, so if this is happening to you, it may be an area worth working on.
To summarize, a lack of sex doesn’t conclusively confirm that he’s cheating on you, but as with all things, you can tell if he is acting differently from his normal behavior, and that, may be a sign.
9. Unwilling to make future commitments and plans
Someone who is cheating is unsure where the future will lie between you two, and will often try and avoid making plans or commitments. You do want to inquire about why he’s not willing to making firm plans, but don’t get too pushy or he may suspect that you’re getting suspicious.
10. Suddenly keeps cell phone away from you
Some couples don’t ever share what’s on their cell phones, even if they’re not doing anything wrong. People just like their privacy, and a cellphone is nearly everyone’s most protected property. Therefore, just because he doesn’t want you looking at his messages, doesn’t mean he’s necessarily cheating on you.
However, if he is clearly nervous when you go near or touch his cell phone, then it may be a sign.
Paranoia or Proactive?
Here’s the question most people are wondering. Their friends tell them not to worry – that they’re being paranoid, but deep down, they sense that something is wrong. If you notice several of these signs then something may indeed be going on. There is nothing wrong with being paranoid – in fact it’s part of our human nature.
There is also nothing wrong with being proactive. My advice is that if you are suspicious, try and get confirmation (without them knowing) so that you can start planning your future. This can include divorce, child custody etc, and will have a huge impact on your life, so make sure you handle this correctly.